Sunday, September 5, 2010

10 Peeves of the Pet Variety

This particular blog is dedicated to crankiness. ( I do love a good crank.)  Without further adieu.  (Feel free to share your own cranks below :)

1.  Purposeful misspellings.  Like Fude.  There is a restaurant in Winnipeg that goes by such a name, which reportedly has decent food.  I just can't bring myself to go there because they have a reelly stoopid name on their sine.  (See also Girlz, Kidz, and so on and so forth).

2.  Certain mispronunciations really do me in.  Two in particular really drive me round the bend.  It's library, not libary.  It's frustrated, not fustrated.  Fingernails on a chalkboard. 

3.  Tailgaters.  Oh my word.  Nothing makes a mama want get out of her car and throw punches more than a rude, nasty, child-endangering tailgater.  Only people with a personal invite are allowed to get that close to my hindquarters.  Just sayin'. 

4.  People I don't know calling me Mrs.  I will never, not ever, be somebody's Mrs. (As in, Mr + possesive).  Sidenote: even if I had a Mr., I still would not be a Mrs.)   Also Ma'am. 

5.  "You look great!  Have you lost weight?"  Oh my god.  Do not ever ever do this to someone.  What you are really, really saying is - "Man you look better now, but you looked like shit before."  Not nice to hear, no matter how well-intended.  (Also, it makes people feel like you are keeping tabs on their body, which is pretty much kind of creepy).  Abolish this phrase from your repertoire.   Seriously.  Take a fat chick's word on this one.

6.  As with above, when a saleclerk tries to get me to buy something by saying "It's very slimming," which is roughly translated into: "Buy this.  It makes you look far less fat than you actually are."   Wheras if you say: "that looks great on you," or "you look stunning/marvellous/beautiful/whatever" you don't actually negate the possibility of a fat person looking stunning/marvellous/beautiful/etc.  So abolish that one from your repertoire if you use it too, please.

7.  As previously mentioned:  "Which one of you is their mom?"  For previously mentioned reasons.  Just keep it to yourself.  And really, why is it so important for you to know????

8.   Further to above, when people say stupid shit like: "it's too bad your son doesn't have a father to play ball with/roughhouse with/pee standing up with/whatever."  Do I even need to say why this is super-dooper-totally-farking-ignorant?  Well, I will 'cause I'm wordy that way.  1.  Totally sexist.  While I may not to pee standing up (though wouldn't that be fun?!) I'm pretty sure men don't actually have the market cornered on roughhousing, playing sports and the like.  And 2.  It insinuates my family is lacking, and my boy's life is lacking.  Why doesn't anyone ever say: "what lucky kids to have two moms!"

9.  When my kid shushes me when I'm using my grown-up voice on him. Oh. My. Stars. Sends. Me. Round. The. Bend.

10.  Putting laundry away.  I can wash it, dry it, and how I love to fold little bub clothes.  But I can't make myself put it away.  It hangs out in laundry baskets until we wear it straight from the basket, or until I can't stand it anymore, or until we run out of baskets.  Hate it.  Hate it.  Hate it.  Unfortunately, L. hates it too.  This may have to be the first real chore I train the kids to do ;)


  1. Regarding #2... it KILLS me to hear 'ree=-la-tor' instead of realtor.

    Likewise 'jew-la-ree-' instead of jewelry.

    LOOK AT THE WORD people!!

  2. Pronunciations that reall get me are e insted of i, like melk and pellow. NO! Not an E! mIlk and pIllow. Argh!

  3. Good one! You are so funny.
    Number 10, oh yes. And I never knew about number 9, kind of makes me giggle ;-)
    P.S... tailgaters get under my skin too-urgh!

  4. Yeah- he totally says "shhhhh" when I'm getting mad at him. Little turkey :)

  5. on numbers 5 and 6. I had a friend who "complimented" me by telling me that I must have lost a lot of weight and I was "now about her size". I particularly love ti when random people who have just met me inquire was to why I am still single.

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