Monday, April 15, 2013

My Brief Stint as a Feminist Commando, Or Alternatively, No One Was Injured in the Writing of This Blog

As I sat there listening to my hockey loving neighbour, yet again, shout at the television (which I would like to point out -will not answer back) I heard words that knocked me into an alternate and inappropriately wonderful universe. He shouted 'C'mon you n-word faggot pussy!' (Wow buddy - don't leave anybody out there...make sure you've assaulted everyone possible with your Big Hockey Feelings.)

And in my alternate universe, I got up, knocked on his door and punched him in the face. I cannot describe for you how wonderful this felt. So, so good, friends. So good, that Bam!  In fact, it felt so good that I wanted to do it again.

So ensued an even more elaborate fantasy in which I repeatedly (I told you this was inappropriate) committed wonderful acts of violence on really senseless people.

What's that you say? Reverse sexism? Reverse racism? BAM!

Oh really? She dressed slutty and deserved it? KAPOW!

Dude who profoundly lacks a uterus protesting in front on an abortion clinic? You're a special case, buddy. You get a left hook AND a jab. SHAZAAAAM!


Now granted, I was tired. It was a long day of paper writing and stress. It was a long week full of bad news in the news, and rapists and teen suicides and dumb boys protesting for the rights of rapists and people talking all kinds of shit. You know, shit about shit.

Of course, no one was injured in the writing of this blog. No punches were thrown. In reality, I did an hour of power yoga, had a bath and gave myself a yummy smelling mint facial while editing the final draft of a paper (and might I say, I should edit more papers in this manner. So lovely!)

And like I tell the babies, violence is never ok (except in self defense).

*In the future, though, I may be adding a silent addendum to this particular lecture.*

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