Friday, April 5, 2013

chewing the fat/giving the skinny: a short rant on POF

So I'm on POF.  You know. Plenty of Fish. It's a ridiculous place (especially since I have vowed to never ever date again, you know, like, ever, or at least until someone is convincing enough to make me change my damn mind. So like, probably never), and I could write several, several rants about it.  Like, for instance, what makes you straight couples think that this particular queer girl want to be the bologna in your sandwich? I am *not* your bologna! And you really, and I do mean really in the most profound way possible, are *not* my kinda bread. (If you really wanna know, you're kinda like wonder bread, and I'm more into 12 grain. Stoneground). And though apparently I *look* like a straight girl, I'm not. You know, like it says right there on the profile.  Those sentences I wrote?  That did not contain a single 'U R' in them? Those ones?  Is it the lipstick that's throwing you off? The dress?

Inhale. Exhale. Digress. (Sorry. I get a lot of these ones. Like, a lot a lot. It's gone way past the point of kinda flattering and headed straight into irritating).

Anyhoo - I have a brand new POF irritant.

And it's actually in the messages I get from queer girls (which is so disappointing.  Queer girls, I expect better). The last few queer girls have included the following line (or a reasonable facsimile) in their messages and/or profile.

"I'm looking for a girly/femme/whathaveyou girl that 'takes care of herself.'"

Now - what does this mean exactly?  (Given the fact that you're a social drinker and/or smoker and/or cite partying as a hobby, I'm gonna take a wild guess that you aren't looking to find a teetotaller). So I gotta say, this makes my fat phobia radar go off hard. And having been a fat chick for most of my life and now (probably temporarily) residing in a much skinnier version of myself, my fat phobia radar is pretty freaking finely attuned. And it sounds like you might actually mean to say is: "No fat chicks need apply."  And I know you're all looking at my profile pics and thinking that maybe you can say this kind of shit to me... but ha!  Haha! Ha. Fooled ya. I'm not your ally in this shit and you just made me really and profoundly pissy.

And now all I want to do is chat you up all coy-like so that I meet you for coffee, or lunch (perhaps bologna sandwiches?), flip you the bird and tell you "take care of this, girlfriend!"

POF - making girls like me think the words 'all by myself' are the sexiest, hottest freaking words on the planet.

1 comment:

  1. It's so funny, when I read the "takes care of herself" bit I thought of other meanings for it than the fat thing, although you are probably first thought was, um, in a sexual sense, which seemed weird, and my second thought was "takes care of herself" like in a "doesn't need to be taken care of" kind of way. Hmmm.