Saturday, July 16, 2011

The moody blues

I'm grumpy. Grey. (Or gray, depending on which way your potAto/potahto falls). This always happens when I get back from being home.

Because visiting home is time with my moms, my sis, and the kind of good, good friends that you can speak to every six months or more, and just pick up where you left off. Being at home is being surrounded by the beauty and ease of my old 'hood. Being at home is being taken care of, not making dinner (heavenly), babysitters who love the time alone with their grandsmalls, and tell you to go out again the next night. A breathe of fresh air, a time of reconnection, a glimpse of freedom.

But vacations don't last forever, no matter how lovely. And when I come back to Edmonton, I mourn the loss of the freedom, my people, my family, my stomping grounds. And Edmonton seems too industrial, too sprawling, too isolating, too much.

This return has the added bonus of throwing a bit 'o 'get a damn job because you are now the proud owner of before and after school care that you can't afford for Boy-o' stress, combined with the old 'you still don't have a daycare spot for Girlio which you also can't afford' stress, with a little bit of 'who the heck is going to hire you anyways?' stress thrown in for good measure. And let's not even get into the am-I-really-smart/crazy/driven enough to put the gears in motion to return to school next Sept. and all the corresponding hoops that will entail. I got to forget all about those persistent worries on vacation, but it seems to have waited patiently for me. (Lucky girl.)

In a few days I will remember the things that I love about this city the people I have met and grown to love, the places of beauty nestled in between the industry, the opportunities for my family, maybe for me too.

I will remember that you need to grow where you're planted.

But right now, I'm feeling more than a little sad, and perhaps a little surly about the end of vacation-y glowy-ness.

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