self-carin'

Today was good.  Like good, good.  I felt... dare I say it?  A little happy.  A little brave.  A little I'm-the-shit.  A little, "I'm-not-taking-anyone-elses'-shit-on-or-letting-anyone-speak-for-me-and-I've-got-highways-for-stretch-marks-to-see-where-I've-grown."  Yup.  That kinda good.

I've been trying really, especially hard to pay attention to taking care of myself lately.  To consider myself as important as everyone else in my world.  Those who know me even a little can intuit that this isn't the easiest of tasks for me.  Firstly, because it's part of the burden of parenting to make a choice to put your needs aside for your kiddos.  Secondly, because I'm a people-pleaser.  It ain't good and I'm not saying it is. But it's a big part of my internalized shit to put other people's needs ahead of mine.  So the instinct towards self-care hasn't been the most natural one for me.

But I've had some pretty eye-opening moments in the past little while.  About who others perceive me to be versus who I actually am, and who I want to become.   And first and foremost, I've decided that I want to become important.  To me.

Coming back from being home in Winnipeg, being nurtured and taken care of and being loved up a whole lot wasn't going to be easy, even though I have amazing peeps here in Edmonton, too.  Because, let's be frank, real life after vacation is never easy.  So I decided that this weekend would be about me.  Entirely.  I got my hair done on Friday.  I got a massage yesterday, and hung out with some friends for a bit.

And today - my good, good day - I got some shit together.  I sent out job applications.  I cleaned my space. I had the most delicious run followed by an exquisitely (and possibly obscenely) long shower.   I wrote some.  I read some.  And now, I wait impatiently to see my littles again.  Feeling rejuvenated and ready to nurture others again.

Self-care.  Who knew?