Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I've Come a LONG way, baby!

So I was re-reading some old blog posts last night.  And I came upon this one, written almost exactly a year ago.  Holy crap.  I really have come a long way... :)

out of sorts

I get in trouble from time to time for 'being too hard on myself,' particularly in regards to my mom-cred.  It's true - I'm hard on myself.  It's a thing.  I'm aware.  BUT - it's difficult not to be hard on yourself when everyone else seems to have it together.  I don't really know who I mean by 'everyone else.'  I'm also fairly certain everyone else doesn't, in fact, have it all together.  But it seems of late, as though each of my days is filled with moments where I seem to crumble under the most benign of tasks, (say, like getting my kdis ready to go out the door after Boy-o's class) when everyone else seems to be doing just fine and getting on their merry way.  All merrily like.  And I'm tears struggling to get my progeny to stay in one place long enough to get in their damn snow-pants.  And since my children are practically perfect in every way, the problem is clearly mine.  Moreover, I am supposed to be a veteran-y sort of mom now.  I've been momming for over four years now.  I should be able to verify the whereabouts of my children and snowpants them blindfolded with one arm tied behind my back.  I should be able to handle wrangling that extra child to school in the morning, no problemo (we take one of Boy-o's classmates to school in the mornings).  But I am not merry.  There is no merry-making.   I want to kill the extra child in the morning.  And then I want to kill mine.  And when the other parents are merrily dropping their children off, looking well-rested and well-groomed,  I am enduring the pitious looks of strangers because I am looking frazzled, harried, on the brink of crying, and trying very very very hard not to lose my shit in front of god and the world. 

So what gives?  Am I too hard on myself, or do I just really actually suck at this?   Seems like a fine line these days.  

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