Friday, March 8, 2013

post at the tail end o' the week I survived...

This week has been... well... a total shit-show.  But I did it. Without quitting either motherhood or school. (Though, to be fair, I've tried resigning from the motherhood gig a few times before and no one would let me, so apparently it's not actually a feasible option). I *did* miss one class for the sick child. And I didn't get to hang out at the conference I went to for as long as I'd have liked.  But whatevs. It's motherfucking Friday, people. I'm not even close to being in any kind of clear, here.  But I made it through this week, and that's at least one hurdle I  won't go ass-over-tea-kettle over and fall on my ass. There'll be plenty of other weeks/hurdles for that, I'm fairly certain.

So - Boy-o couldn't go to school today, and thusly Girlio didn't want to go to daycare. Emphatically. After hastily hooking up some childcare for Boy-o for the morning so I could go to the conference for the morning (it really does take a freaking village, people... and I thank my lucky stars for the amazing peeps in mine everyday.  This is not an exaggeration. Someday, perhaps, I'll be able to articulate in a rational, calm way the extent(s) to which this single mom gig can often be lonely and terrifying. But I actually can't right now).  Anyhow - Girlio was really sad and pissed that she wasn't getting the morning 'off'.  So - like the exhausted mom I am - in order to disengage the velcro like suction hold between me and her small, wailing body at daycare, I promised (read: bribed) I'd pick her up early and if Boy-o felt up to it, we'd go to the movies in the afternoon.

And movie-go we did. We went to see Escape from Planet Earth, a flick about some aliens stuck on the dark planet and held captive at Area 51 by a dastardly human. And who are kidding - us humans are pretty freaking dastardly. It was funny and managed to stay awake, mostly, - the kids had a blast. But holy crap. The mom stuff!

Before the movie even starts, this ad comes on. About how too many kids lose their moms to heart disease and stroke. And they throw on these statistics set against the image of a small boy sitting alone (alone, people!) in a hospital hallway. By the time the violin music begins and their cut the the Mother's Day assembly where school aged tots tell their moms sitting in the audience why they love and value them (think 'I love you because you touch my hair when you tuck me in at night. I love you because we talk about stuff on the way home school) I am already crying. Seriously. Like, a lot. Like, my sassy new purple (actually, Amethyst if you wanna get particular) liquid eyeliner is all over my face, so instead of racoon eyes, I have friggin' Barney the Dinosaur eyes. This is NOT pretty, in case you were wondering. And yes - I am way, way and well beyond the point of tired. I look about a hundred years old, I'm so tired. But those mofos at Becel have just invoked one of my worst, worst fears in the world. In a gross, crass way. In order to get me to buy their shitty-assed margarine. And it was all couched in that kind of maternal goodness and morality stuff that I cannot, under the very best of circumstance, stomach. Ugh. Argh. And ack. And me, bawling. No - I will NOT buy your shitty margarine ever, ever again. Because you made me cry in public, pissed me off AND effed up my GD eyeliner. Not cool, Becel. (insert glare)

And then the movie itself. It was entertaining. It felt really good to laugh. So, yay movie! The adult humour was clever (ish) in spots - especially a montage about how the aliens see people on earth as the only devolving species.  But there are two female lead(ish) characters - one, a stay-at-home mom and the other, the head of operations at BASA (yes, the alien planet's version of NASA) and childless, consistently jab at each other in ways that invoke the 'mommy wars'.  The 'career' woman continually makes bids the SAHM going home and staying there since she bailed on her career to have kids.  Like, more than once. And then later, when the villainous career woman is taken down by the mom, mom snarks "What did you think? Just because I pop out a few kids, I can't take you down? Pfffffft."  And yeah, ok, I giggled a bit at the latter, 'cause I've felt like that a time or two (or ten, who's counting?!) but really?? Not sure that kinda shit belongs in a kids movie. Or anywhere, for that matter. 

And then, like ALL kids films, like ever... the movie has to end with a fucking wedding.  What the hell? What the hell hell? This drives me bloody bonkers and mad and mad-bonkers.  I'm fine if my small people grow up and decide they want to marry someone. Whatever. But do we really need to *train* them to believe this is somehow inevitable? Are we really still there?  So, as we're walking out, we start talking about the movie. the kidlets chat about what they liked, and then (ever so politely, I might add) ask me what I thought. I tell them that I liked it, and it was nice to laugh after such a busy week. I also tell them that I don't really understand why every kids movie needs to end in a wedding. 

And then launch into an explanation of my reasoning that goes something like - "in your life you are probably going to love lots of different people at different times. You might even love lots of different people at the same time.  And you may want to get married or you may not.  Have you noticed how they only ever show boys and girls getting married? That's just silly. Because you might love boys and you might love girls and you might love boys and girls....."

Somewhere around there, I trail off, because I see the glazed over look on both of their faces.  

But Boy-o does actually respond. He says: "Yeah yeah yeah. I know. I can love whoever I want."  

"OR - you could maybe decide to just love yourself for awhile?" I try hopefully."You know, on account of being six?"  "And some people aren't in love with anybody. And that's ok.  It's ok to be alone. Like Mama. You don't *have* to be with someone."

And then... this little miraculous soul looks up at me with a look of such utter gravity and says: "Oh Mama!!! You aren't alone.  I love you."  

I can't... I don't... I can't even....

Oh. My. Heart.  

What was left of my Amethyst eyeliner never stood a chance. 

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