Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Body talk

Hiya peeps. My sincerest apologies for being so absent of late. I am going through some pretty turbulent times. But I'm still here. And aim to be back with more thoughtfulness and more regularity.

But - today I want to talk a bit about how to create food and body hatin' behaviours in girls with great body politics who really love food. I know, right? Should be more challenging than it is, really.

I know I've talked about this before. But lately, in the midst of my life turbulence, my body has gotten smaller. Like, by a lot. And everyone and their dog, kitty, doctor, and sales clerk is shooting me the proverbial high- five. (Here- I would like to point out that my totally awesome rad friends do not fall into the aforementioned shrinkage celebrants - they, because they are cool, fall into the 'what-the-fuck-are-you-ok'? category, which between you, me and the lamppost is the only appropriate response to sudden-ish 60 lb weight loss).

At any rate - the high-fiving is fucking with my head. Really. (And if it's fucking with MY head, me a former fuck-you-world, defiant fat-chick - I shudder, really shudder - to think how much it impacts people without the same body politics as me.).

I consistently try to respond to people's 'compliments' with retorts about the divorce/depression/life upheaval diet. But you know what? It doesn't matter. People don't care they say things like:'Well - whatever you're doing, girl, it's working for you! Keep it up!'. I say, 'it's a side effect of the anti-depressants!' And they say 'Sweet! Where can I get some??'

Seriously. No, seriously. That is some crazy-assed shit. I tell you I've lost a huge amount of weight because I'm about to jump off a cliff, and you say, 'you GO, girl?'

Alrighty then.

And so I find myself - a former fat girl - attempting to retain some of her former world defiance and really, quite intensely struggling with it. I find myself longing a bit for the days when I was, objectively, a fat chick, because I liked my body and treated it with so much more compassion then. Because the attention I got back then didn't feel like such a mirage.

I know it feels like second nature to tell people they look great when they get smaller. We're trained well in this area.

I'm asking you to think about that impulse a bit more carefully. It really, really isn't helpful. It isn't useful. It isn't kind. Not even a little bit.

End of rant-age, and back to your regularly unscheduled programming.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


  1. I'm glad that you aren't letting those comments stand. People so reflexively accept that smaller = better that hopefully they will think about your replies and realize how hateful it really is to tell people that they were essentially less pleasing in their previous body size.

  2. I've been thinking of you and wondering what's going on. {{{hugs}}}

    I hate body compliments too and I agree with the PP, it makes it seem like you looked like crap before. Like holy cow don't you look nice now... It irritates me. Besides, why does everyone assume that every single person wants to be really skinny? ugh

  3. I'm concerned. Really concerned. ~danes

  4. Stacey and Danes - thank you. I'm ok. For reals. xo T

  5. Hugs for you and the whole family. PW

  6. I'm sorry, this sux. What Im hearing in this post is that people are ignoring your pain, your real tangible pain, and choosing to say sthg that a. Makes them feel better and b. that they think will make you feel better. That is just awful but really common. People don't want to deal with pain so they put all their stupid superficial values on you and think they're helping.
    Keep turning these "compliments" on their head and I hope that you have people who validate you for who you really are and support you and love you as a big gal in a small ( for now ) body. Hugs!!!