Wednesday, January 12, 2011

out of sorts

I get in trouble from time to time for 'being too hard on myself,' particularly in regards to my mom-cred.  It's true - I'm hard on myself.  It's a thing.  I'm aware.  BUT - it's difficult not to be hard on yourself when everyone else seems to have it together.  I don't really know who I mean by 'everyone else.'  I'm also fairly certain everyone else doesn't, in fact, have it all together.  But it seems of late, as though each of my days is filled with moments where I seem to crumble under the most benign of tasks, (say, like getting my kdis ready to go out the door after Boy-o's class) when everyone else seems to be doing just fine and getting on their merry way.  All merrily like.  And I'm tears struggling to get my progeny to stay in one place long enough to get in their damn snow-pants.  And since my children are practically perfect in every way, the problem is clearly mine.  Moreover, I am supposed to be a veteran-y sort of mom now.  I've been momming for over four years now.  I should be able to verify the whereabouts of my children and snowpants them blindfolded with one arm tied behind my back.  I should be able to handle wrangling that extra child to school in the morning, no problemo (we take one of Boy-o's classmates to school in the mornings).  But I am not merry.  There is no merry-making.   I want to kill the extra child in the morning.  And then I want to kill mine.  And when the other parents are merrily dropping their children off, looking well-rested and well-groomed,  I am enduring the pitious looks of strangers because I am looking frazzled, harried, on the brink of crying, and trying very very very hard not to lose my shit in front of god and the world. 

So what gives?  Am I too hard on myself, or do I just really actually suck at this?   Seems like a fine line these days.  

8 comments:

  1. I think it might actually be the veteran-y part of it- both having the same things wear on you day after day, and the expectation that you 'should' have it down by now.

    For the record, you shouldn't, no one does (kids or not).

    When's the last time you took a break (easier said than time found, I know)? But sometimes I feel more frazled and things seem harder because they accumulate... Try to find time to take a breath (good luck with that 8-/ ), and *hopefully* you'll feel better.

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  2. So it's not just me?? I'm an almost 8 year "vetran" and tired out by the time the three I have are dressed with teeth brushed and we don't have to leave the house most mornings...thank-goodness....I couldn't possibly get kids to school on time.
    Don't even talk to me about the hours of 3pm-6pm. Just ignore "everyone else" they are either excellent actors or have a house cleaning service and a mini-van and spare cash for clothes. I'll be together when I have those things too and am not almost 7 months pregnant with two children up a minmum of 3 times each. Don't worry about pulling it together until Miss Lucy takes up sleeping!

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  3. I only wrestle a pony-dog out and to daycare. I only cook for one and clean (hahahaha, in theory) up after one (plus aforementioned pony dog). I do not have it together. Last night it took EVERYTHING I had just to put the dishes away. My laundry from the vacation is not done. The Christmas tree still blinks merrily in the living room. I blame the time of year. January is the pits. It's dark, cold, snowy. We don't have Christmas to look forward to and most of us spent too much money in December, so no treats in January. January is about survival, not being "together".

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  4. Exhaustion? Depression? I know from what you write that you are not failing. No question that most of us (especially parents of wee ones) feel overwhelmed from time to time. But don't make the mistake of making it about performance - either parenting or self-criticism. In my experience, personally and with friends,
    take those feelings seriously, it seems impossible, but see if you can't find some way to get a break - to get back to you - and get some external support if the little things don't work (the hour off for coffee, finding some time for exercise - you know the list).

    With my heart.

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  5. Oh how I 'get' this. You are not alone. I guess you could call me a '9 year veteran'....with 2 smaller ones in tow. I too arrive flustered at school. Typically in my pajama pants, no bra, mascara under my eyes (and I only bother with that 'cause I work an evening job out of the house). Telling the girls, again, that no, I won't be walking them in today, but WILL get out to pick them up. Wee, 2 year old brother is equally clothed in night clothes....with socks but no shoes, covered up in a jacket and toque. Pick up isn't a whole lot different. Yes, I get dressed, but not in anything stunning, well thought out or necessarily matching. No matter how early we get up we are ALWAYS rushing to be on time, bed time is ALWAYS chaotic, library books are ALWAYS missing and I am ALWAYS about to lose my mind. But there are those moments. Quick, fleeting, but THERE, that make it all okay. My little one asking constantly 'teach me Mama'. My oldest informing the 6 year old, who is worried by an 'anti bullying' commercial, that she doesn't have to worry because 'our school doesn't have bullies'. Which, isn't true, probably, but makes you feel good to know they are feeling good. All 3 of them falling asleep quickly and peacefully together last night after begging to 'have a chance'. Nothing cuter than 3 little people snuggled together for the night. Anyways...what I am trying to say is I get it. I think A LOT of us get it. I read your blog because I find you inspiring, real and someone I like to think I learn things from. So keep on keeping on....you are doing great.

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  6. No one has it together. And if they do, they are lying to you. :P It isn't easy and everyone has days where your kids drive you crazy and you are not cool and calm and collected. I have the hardest time getting my kids out of daycare because they run around like fools and ignore my pleas to get dressed. I feel like a fool with out of control kids at that point. But the point is, kids are kids and it isn't always easy and you can't always be perfect and in control. We are all there with you crying when we're exhausted and feeling not good enough. The point is, no one can be text book good. No one. Give yourself a break--you are awesome and we know it and so do your kids. :)

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  7. I agree, no one has it together and if they appear to they're just good at faking it. I can tell you that I've gotten to the kids' daycare approximately three times this week and suddenly wondered if I brushed my teeth that morning. I have also been known to drop kids off and realize later that my shirt is on inside out. And as for trying to get the kids organized and out the door... it's the most stressful part of the day. I can't even be bothered doing the snowpants battle most days. At daycare pickup it's nearly impossible to get them out of there. I felt better one day when I heard another mother snap at her kid, "It shouldn't take us two hours to get out of here!" I had said almost the exact same thing to my kid the day before. :)

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  8. Read this and thought of you....see, no-one has it together, some just lie better than others.
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-12192050

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