why we will never fly Air Canada again

She came by the give us the schpiel, and I expected it to be just like any other 'flying with infant' schpiel.   But instead, Ms. Highfalutin-flight-attendant proceeded to lecture us on how she believed that Transport Canada regulations for flying with children were wrong, and that we should all be paying for an extra plane seat for our infants and transporting them in their carseats because it 'really isn't safe any other way'.  She knows that it's hard to lug around carseats in an airport, but it really is the safest thing for them.  And while we're at it, we ought to consider bringing along Boy-o's carseat too.  The mind boggles at the entourage it would take to carry the children, carry-on arsenal AND two carseats through the airport witout requiring a trip to the looney bin.  The mind also boggles at what, exactly, the lady would like us to do about her safety opinions two seconds before take-off, with our car seats checked, and an overbooked flight.  Nevertheless - apparently we are bad, lazy, cheap parents. 

Then, just before take-off, she came over the intercom to inform my partner that she was holding Girlio incorrectly.  Over the intercom.  The intercom.  For starters, Girlio was facing backwards, standing on L's lap, with her head buried in L's neck, and her back, head and neck supported by L's arms.   We've taken off and landed like every other time we've flown.  But apparently she needed to be sitting down, facing backwards with her back and neck supported. (And if anyone can successfully undertake this feat with my child, I'll give 'em a million bucks). At any rate, now we are also negligent, slightly stupid parents (which everyone on the plane both wanted and needed to know).

Then, when we were getting off of the plane (having somehow - cheap, neglectful, morons that we are -successfully managed not to let our child get irreparably maimed or broken during take-off, in-flight turbulence, and landing), and we thought we were safely out of the clutches of flight-attendant-zilla, she takes aim at me this time.  As Girlio and I are departing the plane, she takes me aside and tells me: "See - children that are as active as her really need to travel in a carseat."  (And I should clarify that "active" in this context meant that she travelled from L's lap to mine, not up and down the aisle.)  I say  nothing and don't even try to act polite at this point.  But she continues bravely (or stupidly) on: "But she must be just about two, right?"  When I let her know that she's actually only 15 months, as I'm beginning to walk away, she calls after me (in a somewhat accusing voice) "Wow.  BIG girl."    (Not that it matters, but she's actually ridiculously average.  50th percentile in height and weight.  Just sayin').

So, just to recap, we are bad, lazy, cheap, negligent, slightly stupid parents, who have probably lied about our gigantic baby's age.

So Air Canada - your planes aren't nearly as nice as your competitor, your tickets are more expensive, you overbook your flights and your horrible flight attendant almost got thrown onto the tarmac yesterday.  And you can take my word for it when I say that no one on our flight woulda blamed me. 

You won't be benefitting from the proceeds of our credit card anymore.