Friday, October 22, 2010

listening to the radio

So after dropping off Boy-o at school yesterday, I was driving around listening to CBC waiting out Girlio's carnap so that we could meet up with a friend.  And I was tremendously enjoying the conversation between a feminist ethicist and some other person who annoyed me about the continued trend towards older motherhood in our generation.  The 'some other person who annoyed me', we'll call her SOPWAM for short, was raising some really quite alarmist perspectives about the mean age of new mothers being 30.7 years of age, such as the next generation of children will be increasingly orphaned, and saddled with their old ailling parents far too soon, etc. etc.  She was pretty negative about 'older mothering' and basically insinuating that older mothers shouldn't have access to reproductive technologies just because they missed the boat, so to speak.  And the other speaker, an ethicist, kept raising these perfectly wonderful points like the fact that women of our generation are having kids later and later because they feel like they have to choose between raising children and having a career, because women/mothers are discriminated against in the workforce, because there isn't meaningful support for parenting in a way that lets women pursure parenting and a career (easily accesible,affordable daycare, etc. etc.)  At any rate - this bit is besides the point...

It was such a great listen - I was feeling really engaged and into the discussion, talking back to the woman who was clearly wrong (erm, I mean, with whom I was disagreeing), and nodding in agreement when her sparring partner hit a particularly salient point. It felt great to be envigorated and engaged (albeit by myself!) in this great intellectual argument. 

And then, SOPWAM said something along the lines of:  "I wasn't a stay at home mom, I'm one of those career women who had dreams and goals for myself...." the sentence went on, but it was totally lost on me.

I could literally feel my self-esteem sinking. 

(It likely fell somewhere between the break and gas pedals, on the floor of the car in which I was driving my napping daughter, en route from dropping off my son, in the throes of my little, little, little, dreamless, goal-less life).

It might have even made a little plinking sound as it went.

I felt myself completely tune out.

I felt myself totally dismissed.

Newsflash lady:  everyone has dreams and goals for themselves... even l'il ole 'houeswives.'


  1. And what you said NEEDS to be said.

    Print it out. Send it in.
    Email it.
    Don't just leave it here to languish.


  2. i second what Ami said!! PLEASE!?

  3. Does SOPWAM realize she wouldn't even exist, never mind be the educated, opinionated person she is, worthy of interviewing on a radio show, without a mother who decided to include raising SOPWAM in HER dreams?

  4. Well put Erica! Ami and Flygirl - I sent it along to CBC - but I doubt it'll ever reach SOPWAM's ears...

  5. Ahhhh perception.
    I was told by my own loving dear sweet mommy that my partner & I are late bloomers as far as having children goes. I was surprised by this, given that she began motherhood when she was 17 yrs old and surely must realize the difficult path she (& my dad) chose. I did.
    The plain truth is I/we set up our lives to embrace the DREAM AND GOAL of having children AND being good at it. This meant being (albeit marginally so) financially prepared, emotionally stable, career set (okay 1.5 out of 2 ain't bad) because we wanted to be able to be there for our children in the physical capacity as well as financially, emotionally & career-wise.
    Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
    Damn glad I did!