Today in the car,I was dealing with the needs of my wee toddler monster in the back seat. Who was letting me know that he. had. NEEDS. While dealing with these NEEDS, I wasn't able to catch the yellow light to make a left hand turn into a busy intersection. No biggie. It's not like I blew through a stop sign or anything equally heinous and irresponsible. I, and everyone behind me, will catch the flashing arrow whence it comes around.
Apparently a biggie. A biggie, biggie, biggie to the old dude in the truck behind me. I caught sight of him in my rearview mirror accidentally, as I was, yet again, checking in with the kid with NEEDS. And there he was, gesturing wildly (not unlike a flight attendant on speed), practically jumping up and down in his senior citizen seat, making it clear that I should be turning, now, during that brief second where, despite my now having a very red light (insomuch as a light can be very red), that the other lanes of traffic aren't yet moving.
I wave back. Oooops. Yup. Gotcha. Shoulda turned when the light was yellow. But the guy keeps going. The entirety of the red light. Bouncing up and down. Flailing so hard he looked like an octopus. I'm not entirely sure what he wanted me to do, there during the red light, but he is clearly wanting me to do SOMETHING. He reminds me a bit of a toddler monster with NEEDS. His truck was practically vibrating and in my bemusement, I started to worry that he might give himself a heart attack, so worked up was he.
Here's the thing old dude, and all the other bad-assed drivers out there like you. Sorry you're in a hurry. Sorry I missed the light. Sorry I'm a little distracted and absent minded sometimes. The people in my car have NEEDS. I wasn't driving unsafely - I just missed the yellow. It happens to the best of us, at least, I think it does.
I'm sure you'll be able to make up your time driving, well, like you're behaving. But I've got this cargo in the backseat, you see, that is more precious than your stupid time, your stupid truck, and your stupid temper.
So in my best clipped mom voice, I'm telling you to Simmer. Down. Back. There.